May 21, 2007

Another passing

This saturday at 2:20pm my mom witnessed the death of my Aunt Ingrid Olsen. It was a long time coming and she was very sick with no cure. Everyone close to the situation is very relieved that she died in "comfort care" and went without pain or as little of it as modern medicine allows.
This was the first siblings death my mom has experienced. There are 9 others and three of them are very sick as well. As my dad said, it's domino time and it breaks my heart.
What happens when you're out of mourning? Just tapped out?

I hope my dad takes my mom away on a vacation somewhere. People should only have to endure so much and she is the youngest of the bunch.

I'm going to miss my Aunt. She was always a little funky and now I'm getting the stories of her past and she was a hard edged "put up with enough bullshit" sort of woman. She smoked right till the end as well but it wasn't the smoking that killed her. She had a stomach bacteria that continued to multiply itself until it consumed her digestive track. From a compassion standpoint, just like my previous aunt why can't they just take those steps, those steps, when they know they can't help anymore. She'd been on painkillers and treatment for over 3 years, 6 months ago she got very bad, her parkinson's flared up and she moved into care.

6 months in care from one painkiller to the next. That's no way to die. Comfort Care sounded nicer but that was done only when she could no longer operate.

It's weird getting older. Everything becomes more serious in a way. Not everything but everything related to time. All the worries I had a year ago about "time" and whats left, can it all be done what's next...they are now just more serious than before. The goals are changing but the quest for a/the life I am looking for remains distant but viable. Even with all the heartache involved, to not have those kids to share those moments with would be a difficult thing to imagine. Mu aunt didn't have any kids, was never married, she lived alone and she seemed to like it that way. She had a rough love life, sometimes as they say, "It just doesn't work out".

I'm going to choose not to take that on as my personal slogan...for fear of it sticking.

No comments:

You've done it now Danger Dan!!!